October Caption Contest

October Caption Contest

A nude Hasidic woman watching a cellphone in the mikvah


October caption contest is here! I’m excited to have a very, very special guest judge for this contest! The esteemed Shulem Deen, the original Hasidic Rebel, founder and editor of Unpious (where my best writing is published) and my personal writing guru will put on his black judge’s chalat, review your submissions and put down the gavel on the winner. Said Justice Deen will write the post for the winning announcement at the end of the month, when his recess is over.

Since this doodle is a little extra daring, I’ll ask you to please exercise good taste in posting sexual captions. I’m all for having some fun with it, but try to keep it clever and with Yiddishe Taam.

Sadly, there will be no cash prize for this month’s caption contest, but despair not my dears, I’m trying to think of something else I may be able to offer as the contest prize. So far everything I’ve thought of – my old Pesach dishes, twin bed linens, wall of china tablecloth, tichels and turbans and dickies from my garage – seems to come out more advantageous to me than to the person who receives those vunderbar gifts. But I’m still thinking.

For now I guess we’ll find out if this can work without dangling incentives. Go for it!


  • Pinny Gold
    Posted at 00:33h, 15 October Reply

    טובל ושרץ בידו
    Is that god calling or the rabbi?
    Finally I’ve got an opportunity to do some Kosher Phone-Sex…

  • Baal Devarim
    Posted at 00:33h, 15 October Reply


  • Shragi Getzel
    Posted at 00:39h, 15 October Reply

    Oh no! The mikvah lady better not see that!

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 00:52h, 15 October Reply


  • Yoily
    Posted at 00:52h, 15 October Reply

    Peeping Tom’s phone fell from the ceiling

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 00:54h, 15 October Reply

    Darling, don’t hang up; I’m dunking.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 00:59h, 15 October Reply

    The Beaming a Kosher Dip feature.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 01:03h, 15 October Reply

    “That’s the only condition Harav Shteiman attached to my iPhone waiver!”

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 01:08h, 15 October Reply

    “Oops! But I hope the outgoing picture mail still goes through before the phone dies!”

  • Groynem
    Posted at 01:11h, 15 October Reply

    נעמט מיט קול מבשר וואו אימער איר גייט… פאר מער דריקט נומער זעקס.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 01:37h, 15 October Reply

    Virgin Mobile.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 01:59h, 15 October Reply

    Siri: “You asked, ‘How do I perform the holy dunk?'”

  • yeshivaforum
    Posted at 02:36h, 15 October Reply

    Whuu!! Thats it. No more mikvah pics no matter how much shloime wants them.

  • Newbie
    Posted at 02:55h, 15 October Reply

    How does this Mikvah app work exactly?

  • DJ
    Posted at 08:47h, 15 October Reply

    “Shaindy you can make the Brocho now….you are “virtually” under water….”

  • the galuch
    Posted at 10:52h, 15 October Reply

    Oh yes, I’ve heard about these new filters.

  • Enigma
    Posted at 11:19h, 15 October Reply

    Help! Help! I think Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak is drowning! Somebody throw him some rope!

  • Wannabe
    Posted at 12:00h, 15 October Reply

    This on off period of not being able to touch my phone definitely draws us so much closer.

  • Wannabe
    Posted at 12:04h, 15 October Reply

    Every time I take off my turban the stupid phone falls out! argh!

  • Wannabe
    Posted at 12:08h, 15 October Reply

    What? the rebitzins shiur wasn’t over yet…

  • Groynem Ox
    Posted at 14:00h, 15 October Reply

    No rabbi! I’m not sending pix to prove anything!

  • Groynem Ox
    Posted at 14:17h, 15 October Reply

    Imamother verification gone wrong.

  • Groynem Ox
    Posted at 14:24h, 15 October Reply

    Those women on his phone could use a mikvah too.

  • Rod
    Posted at 16:12h, 15 October Reply

    iphone = nipples

  • Rachmuna Litzlon
    Posted at 20:09h, 15 October Reply


  • Newbie
    Posted at 20:13h, 15 October Reply

    The Rabbi said I can only have a Kosher phone.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 04:28h, 16 October Reply

    “There goes my only vibrator!!!”

  • Godless Fear
    Posted at 07:57h, 16 October Reply

    i feel naked without my phone

  • Godless Fear
    Posted at 08:11h, 16 October Reply

    my phone and I are eligible for an upgrade

  • Gutman Braun
    Posted at 14:38h, 17 October Reply

    So there — now nobody can tell me that MY internet is impure.

  • Gutman Braun
    Posted at 14:59h, 17 October Reply

    “oy oy oy, the previous woman has a tzniyus problem: she’s gonna feel naked without her phone”

  • suri
    Posted at 15:04h, 17 October Reply

    Are those d’s or double d’s? Need panaromic view to get them all in.

  • Gutman Braun
    Posted at 15:06h, 17 October Reply

    ‘He cares about his phone more than his wife; it’s only logical that the phone be the one to prepare for an intimate evening”

  • Gutman Braun
    Posted at 15:14h, 17 October Reply

    “hmmm, “some nights” might be an appropriate ringtone after all.”

  • muffin
    Posted at 18:48h, 17 October Reply

    Oops! I guess I’ll have to double dip.

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 20:26h, 17 October Reply

    “Hon, is it my cell or yours? You sound like you’re underwater.”

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 20:34h, 17 October Reply

    “הלילה הזה אנו מטבילין שתי פעמים”

  • oop
    Posted at 20:42h, 17 October Reply

    oops! I did it again…

  • Yoelish
    Posted at 20:52h, 17 October Reply
  • Gutman Braun
    Posted at 09:49h, 18 October Reply

    “So you wanna know how I feel about Taharas Hamishpacha? Confined in a cell, is how I feel.”

  • show us your pretty face
    Posted at 11:15h, 18 October Reply

    If you can graduate from a drawing like this to photographs, you know your paypal button will be going Ding! Ding! Ding! The whole day that you’ll have so much $ in paypal that you will be disqualified from foodstamps!

  • muffin
    Posted at 13:12h, 18 October Reply

    Is that your cell phone or are you just happy to see me?

    Posted at 15:13h, 18 October Reply

    the horror of Mikva-going

  • Warren
    Posted at 20:56h, 18 October Reply

    More dangerous than a shark

  • BHB
    Posted at 07:35h, 19 October Reply

    OK, Caption cloud is coming not from the lady but from beneath the phone. “I meant a REAL lifesaver”

  • kave
    Posted at 11:54h, 19 October Reply

    “Toiveling the REAL me”

  • oy!
    Posted at 21:46h, 20 October Reply

    The sexy babe in the drawing doesn’t look like she shaves her hair! I can’t tell if she shaves her pussy, though .

  • Closet Humanist
    Posted at 20:04h, 21 October Reply

    For all the porn my husband has sex to with this phone, may it at the very least comply with taharas hamispacha!

  • PenT
    Posted at 23:48h, 21 October Reply

    I’m not getting into this mikvah, it is a wave pool, and I can’t swim.

  • PenT
    Posted at 00:17h, 22 October Reply

    “How’s this old woman, I have had it with “koosher”, I’m getting an iPhone..”

  • Bubba
    Posted at 12:10h, 26 October Reply

    I know how much you hate the Mikva, but now you have no choice. You have to toivel.

  • Bubba
    Posted at 12:11h, 26 October Reply

    What a therapeutic way to cure my fear of water.

  • The Rebbetzin
    Posted at 15:01h, 26 October Reply

    “Wait–did he say the blowtorch comes before mikva or after?”

  • ana
    Posted at 22:06h, 27 October Reply

    My husband said, either you go (to the mikvah) or the phone goes…

  • Esther
    Posted at 23:06h, 28 October Reply

    Apple’s latest product: mikveh for your iPhones!

  • indignation
    Posted at 02:34h, 31 October Reply
  • ana
    Posted at 19:30h, 01 November Reply

    someone had to introduce the mikvah to modern technology… now if only i can introduce my rabbi to it as well…

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