Mysteries of the newlywed couple’s room

Mysteries of the newlywed couple’s room

A reader asked: What does a Hasidic newlywed couple do inside the little room – called the ‘yichud room’ – where they spend their time after the wedding is officiated?


They kiss.

The Hasidic couple has their first kiss in the private room. This is during the big wedding affair, while the rest of the hundreds of guests are in the main ballroom having their meal and telling each other how gorgeous they look. The Hasidic couple spends this time alone, at least for the first few minutes of it, and it is an opportunity for a tiny bit of intimacy.

Someone recorded a Hasidic male teacher preparing the boy for marriage. The teacher is talking to a sheltered, nineteen-year-old boy who had no prior contact with women. The whole thing is difficult to listen to – for emotional reasons – but here is the transcribed and translated instructions for the yichud room:

“You walk into the yichud room. As soon as you get into the yichud room, you lock the door,—what’s her [your bride’s] name?”


“Libby? Very good name. You give her like so, Mazel Tov Libby, with both hands. Kay? Tell her Mazel tov, bless her very nicely, tell her to repeat with you: ‘May God help us have a good home, we should always be healthy, and always have good marital accord, mmm… talk, talk, talk.’ And as soon as you say the word ‘Amen,’ the hand leave here (?), embrace her, and give her a good kiss here and here. Kay? In the cheek. Not in the mouth. Kay? And as soon as you finished kissing her you say ‘Wow Libby, your gown came out BEAUTIFUL, so stunning, it’s very, very nice.’ Fine. Tell her I have something for you, take out the earrings [a big gift, by every groom], she puts it on, say ‘Wow, it’s very very very nice on you.’ The next thing is, say ‘Come, let’s sit down…’”

And now you know. From the mouth of the groom teacher.


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  • Dooet
    Posted at 09:30h, 06 February Reply

    The “kiss” part is Hungarian. Not Hasidic.
    Most Hasidim are told not to kiss unless preparing for sexual intercourse.
    Because of חשש זרע לבטלה.

    • Frieda Vizel
      Posted at 10:07h, 06 February Reply

      Really? What’s your authority on that?

  • Dooet
    Posted at 13:08h, 14 February Reply

    That’s what is taught by the מדריך for Hasanim in almost every non-Hungarian sect.
    The authority isשולחן_ערוך_אבן_העזר_כג
    See halacha 3. Hasidim take it to an extreme. So they consider kissing as a turn on which should be forbidden by halacha.

    Of course this halacha gets many men into trouble…

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