October 17, 2021 Irreverent Yiddish song: ‘I Want To Be A Rebbe’
Here is a song that I love because it’s irreverent and it mocks the luxurious lifestyles of the Hasidic elite. Oftentimes outsiders, scholars, and the media depict Hasidic leaders as all-powerful beings to whom Hasidim are mindlessly and slavishly subservient. This way of framing things always rubs me the wrong way, because it fails to account for how much more complicated and human the situation is. Rabbis don’t have power without being elevated to it by active disciples; i.e., there is always a bottom-up power structure interplaying with that of the top-down powers of the Rebbes. Hasidim are also a lot more diverse and cynical and jaded about rabbis, and a lot of rituals of subservience cannot be taken at face value. So this song lays that cynicism out in the open.
Chorus: Everyone wants to be a great Rebbe
to look down from their pedestal at the bumbling fools —
Hey, yeah, I want to be a Rebbe!
I’m done running to all the Rebbe’s ceremonial tishen,
To sway on the bleachers without air-condition,
To push and sweat,
Just to see how the Rebbe eats…
I’m tired of pleading
with the Rebbe’s doorman
to be allowed inside
for a blessing for grandma;
“The rebbe is busy,
the president is now our guest.”
Yeah, we all want to sit with the classy people,
at the northern tables,
with satisfied bellies.
where the whiskey flows…
the money comes easy…
with nice white beards…
we’re staying young!
Chorus: Everyone wants to be a great Rebbe
to look down from their pedestal at the bumbling fools —
Hey, yeah, I want to be a Rebbe!
I want a hooked-up Cadillac,
with the latest upgrades —
leather seats,
custom made!
And a few cherry lights,
are also fine by me.
I want a personal servant
and three errand boys
to clear my path —
to scuttle the nuisances.
And if called for,
they’ll bring me a tray of beer.
I want a nice house
with at least three levels.
with a few elevators,
to save me on walking.
A balcony to watch over my backyard
and make sure everything is cool.
I want to unlock charity boxes
without setting off alarms.
I want a private ritual bath
that is always warm,
and a jacuzzi that’s right next
to my indoor pool.
Yeah, we all want to sit with the classy people,
at the northern tables,
with satisfied bellies…
they’ll need my opinions…
my great brilliance,
the young boys will look at my pictures
in great awe!
Chorus: Everyone wants to be a great Rebbe
to look down from their pedestal at the bumbling fools —
Hey, yeah, I want to be a Rebbe!
Hey, hey, hey,
I want to be a Rebbe!
I want to be able to fly
without a passport,
drive on the highway
with a police escort —
Our caravan will make
at least a hundred miles per hour.
I want to arrive
to a fancy guesthouse,
surrounded by signs and lights
and hundreds of followers
who will sing “Welcome” songs!
I want a thick fur coat
if I get cold,
and a silver walking stick
if I get old
and a closet filled with rabbinic robes
made of pure silk!
I want to sit and accept,
donations and contributions,
when they talk about me,
they should list a hundred titles.
And if I needed to hear other people
spill their marital troubles,
then that also wouldn’t hurt…
Yeah, we all want to laugh at the world,
to hand out cake to our followers,
and to make good money.
They’ll need my opinions…
my great brilliance
the young boys will look at my pictures
in great awe!
[what a large turnout!]
Chorus: Everyone wants to be a great Rebbe
to look down from their pedestal at the bumbling fools —
Hey, yeah, I want to be a Rebbe!
Hey, hey, hey…
I want to be a Rebbe!
(Song by Shauly Grossman)
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