November 16, 2021 Kids’ cards: the absolute worst matchmaker
There is a series of Hasidic collectors’ cards called “Taryag,” which means 613. They are cards that illustrates the 613 commandments of the Torah. This is all good and well, but the commandments do get a little above G rated. So some illustrations are rather absurd.
I bought a few packs of these and just to my luck, they were all on the theme of coupling laws. When I first looked through them I was in stitches.
It begins with us meeting an absolutely horrible, unequivocally bad matchmaker, Yekish. A bus stop ad reads, “For the best advice and matchmaking, call Yekish.”
Yekish is a rather aggressive yenta, and he runs around town proposing very unusual matches. All of them are in violation of different commandments.
Here he suggests to a fellow traveler at the bus booth: “Your step granddaughter has a sister who is looking for a match. Do you want to marry her?”
Here he calls someone up and suggests that the fellow marry Gitl. Gitl is the poor man’s sister!
Now he crashes a funeral and talks up a match to the fresh widower: How about you marry your granddaughter?
Well, we intercept Yekish. A substitute matchmaker is in a desert. He proposes the man in the brown robe marry the man in the green robe. The plot twist is this: The two men are father and son! Furthermore, the matchmaker is offering a box of pure gems in exchange for the match. Truly, grist for soap operas.
Now back to Yekish. He comes by with a goat and asks if it might make a suitable wife. That one falls through as well.
At last, we see a successful match. A wedding! Music! The trick was to suggest an insane match to the right person: the town heretic. Their name is even “Family Heretics.” This poor wretch, Mr. Heretic, agreed to marry his own mother! If he paid matchmaker’s fees for this, he really got ripped off.
Meanwhile, pious Jews protest outside the wedding. Their placards read, “Against the Torah!” and “Get out of here!”
Imagine what little Hasidic kids who collect these cards think of life outside the fold: all awful dating options. Truly.