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Hello dear readers and commenters and lurkers and loyal Hasidim! It’s that time of the month again, the time when you have the very rare and wonderful opportunity to put a caption on an as-of-yet uncaptioned cartoon… and win a very valuable prize in the process! Yes, the winning caption, chosen by the same mysterious process as before, will win $25 REAL dollars again!
Please vote (click ‘like’) on the comment containing the caption you like most. We may or may not take your vote into account: that is part of the mystery. Exciting! Here, the cartoon… but first, let me thank all the entrants in last month’s caption contest. Thank you! You make this blog what it is. Yes, yes, the cartoon:
Therapy
Frieda Vizel
Frieda Vizel left the Hasidic community, the Modern Orthodox community and the Formerly Orthodox (OTD) community. She now lives in Pomona and is actively looking for a new community to leave. She deals with the perplexities of the communities she left by drawing cartoons about them, a habit that gets her into an excellent amount of trouble.55 Responses to “June Caption Contest! Win $25!”
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Now that I know about everything that’s out there- the art, the food, the culture- I feel so trapped in my own life. Sometimes…sometimes I wish I never stepped foot on Avenue J.
So, I asked my husband, “if I become a man, will you still love me?”
Chassidish OCD
“So did you really leave the door open a crack?”
“My husband wants to leave the lights on, take off my nightgown, and touch my breasts. I worry it will shat for shedicam.”
Oh, wait, I forgot to sign in before submitting the above comment. I can use the $25.
I feel soo horny right now!! Just shaved……..my u know what! Some call it bi hoor. You can see It now as Im lying down. Wanna join?
אן ארנטליכער גוי אבער וואס פארשטייט ער באמת
thank you for the “babkeh”
I was always taught not to “sit” next to men!
“Sometime I can’t help thinking… maybe things really aren’t baruch hashem?”
“So those king-sized beds are for group therapy?”
“Now that my head has touched your elbow, how long before we have sex?”
“Other than that, we are wonderful.”
Why does he have me on the couch?!?! They were right…..all psychotherapists are perverts.
It’s been almost three years since we had our last child, and we only have 6. Meanwhile, my friend who was the first out of our age to marry is already at 10! I feel left out of society 🙁
“I just always have that fear that my hair might be showing through my Burberry shpitzel and people will find out that I have hair – mainly my husband.”
“So Dr. Freud, If I said Perek Shira and Chalom Chulomti can you still interpret my dreams?”
“I’m pretty sure I don’t have Penis Envy, I fargin everyone. Wait, how do you say fargin in English?”
“I think my subconscious is a goy, is yours a yid?”
“I know you have degree from Harvard Medical, but do you have a Daas Torah?”
“Should I prepare neigal vasser?”
He said I should lie to the therapist.
“My husband went meshuganah, he asked me to put it in my mouth. I think he needs to be institutionalized”
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t feel oppressed.”
“So anyway, I just came in to say that we love our husbands and we rock the sack (magna cum laude, baby!) and we really love to shave our heads!”
mr. freud: we tend to blame our “shvigers” not our mothers
“Uh, are you a psychologist or a psychiatrist? What’s the difference anyway?”
“So can you know what I’m thinking now?”
“Before we start, you do accept food-stamps, right?”
“This position has become boreding after 10 years, but my husband insists that this is the only one halachacally OK.”
“there are some things a woman knows intuitively….he curls his peyos more, and in front of the mirror for example…”
so I really don’t know if changing to a “aroopgebindene-sheitel” will make me happy…?!
“…and if that wasn’t enough, now my daughter’s making cartoons about us too! And she puts them on the internet! Why is she doing this to me?”
“So what do you think these dreams about keegel are telling me?”
“It
I fear i”m having these crazy thoughts like my OTD sister had when she “went crazy”
Is it really true what the goishe car service driver said? I’m not the only Chasiddishe who sees a Psychiatrist?
I don’t know what has gotten into my husband. Lately he insists on using a filter.
Is that ‘id’ with a yud?
Why did you let the artist in, I prefer doing what we normally do.
“Can I tell you a secret?” The only reason I still see you is because I love to talk to guys. You are the only male other than my husband I’m allowed to talk to. Please don’t tell anyone.
“Why would you say he sexually abuses me? He’s just trying to be nice to me!” He lets me take a nap during mu lunch break because I work hard.
“And the very next day Mindi strolls out with her Yellow canopied Bugaboo, rendering my sand canopy worthless!”
Ereb Pes complex? What kehileh is that?
Electric complex?
If you don’t want me to look at you why not just put up a mechitza?
“Didn’t have much of a career really, but this, THIS is an (unwavering) ‘position’ I’ve frequently held since I got married.”
Herr Doktor, when was the last time you cleaned this couch?!
Duktur Fraynd, any relation to the Fraynd family on Keap Street?
He really doesn’t understand anything about us, what a waste of money.
Wait, let me get this straight. You took off your panties, handed them to the rabbi and then he took out a magnifying glass?
Surale’s potato kigel is always better than my potato kigel. I’ll never amount to anything!
My son is a tchatchke, but my daughter nebech is a shiksa.
Doktor will it hurt?
I’m telling you Mr. Fertility Counselor, launching a babysitting service would be great for business!
Finally, a goyishe therapist – him at least I can masser if he makes me suck his c**k.
so the good news and the bad news is I’m pregnant again.
I have been spotting for 3 months straight I can’t take it anymore..!
Fritlech or wafer cake, that is the question.
Talk about existential angst!
For a moment there I though of going over to my neighbour for that kugel recipe, then I remembered that have internet at home.
How can I ever forgive myself?
(thinks) Oy gevald… maybe my sister was right and my tichel is too `rashig` (attractive), and maybe i should not have worn this tight t-shirt…i`m afraid the doctor is into me now…
I 4got to sign in 4 the above comment, but i`ve wanted to support ur amazing work for a long time (but haven`t gotten any $) so in case i win, plz take the 25$ 4 ur blog expenses…
[…] The June Caption Contest got some incredibly interesting, insightful and funny submissions. The contest cartoon was of a Chasidic woman lying on the Freudian therapy bed and a very unreligious looking, goateed doctor listening to her lamant. I always enjoy drawing the contest and wondering where the readers will take it. All over the place, is the answer. You guys rock! Thank you for all your contributions. It was so fun! Ideally, every one who contributed should win $25, but ideally everyone should also contribute $25 for the blog site maintenance, so we’re kind of even. […]