On Sex

 Posted by on August 19, 2012
Aug 192012
 

A man complaining to his analyst that his mother lied to him about ex-chasidim having lots of sex

One of the most unfortunate bits of misinformation among Hasidim is that ex-Hasidim live a life filled with sex, sex and more sex. This is seen as proof of the emptiness and lawlessness of the life on the outside. It is probably also a part figment of the lusty imagination of the pious who are sexually repressed. All in all, Chasidim seem to strongly believe that ex-chasidim are shacking it up and living it up all the time.

I hate to shatter these important reputations of sexual prowess among the ex-Hasidic, but for educational purposes (sex-education, to be precise), I must clarify that it isn’t so simple. Sin does not come so easy; one must work hard at it, and often utterly fail. Ex-Hasidim often struggle with many adjustment challenges after leaving a community in which there is hardly any interaction with the opposite sex and very little in the way of healthy ideas of sexuality. Many of us struggle to communicate in socially acceptable ways, women have to learn to feel comfortable in their bodies sans modest covering and men grapple to figure out the boundaries between machoism and sexism.

Oh, those internet lurkers and nuisances who will tell you that all who leave frumkeit simply want sex. What dirty, convoluted imaginations they have, an idea of an outside world more sinful than anything reality offers. Their minds; oh, so despicable, trashy, grotesque. One should never leave their religious frame of mind to adopt theirs. Chulila!

Frieda Vizel

Frieda Vizel left the Hasidic community, the Modern Orthodox community and the Formerly Orthodox (OTD) community. She now lives in Pomona and is actively looking for a new community to leave. She deals with the perplexities of the communities she left by drawing cartoons about them, a habit that gets her into an excellent amount of trouble.

  3 Responses to “On Sex”

  1. They definitely have more sex than those who stay in the fold, so it’s still fair to say that the ex-chasidim get way more sex.

  2. Over simplification.
    There are fifteen year olds boys otd, some girls even younger, who were sexually active even before they ‘officially’ leave, and want to continue racking up them partners.
    There are men and women of all ages doing the ex thing- and for different reasons.
    For many o’ them young hormones the sexual freedom vs the repressiveness
    within is a big deal. And why not?
    I don’t think the question is wether or not they ‘do it’ more often, it’s more a question of choice. It could also be argued that sex in the form of ‘meeting of minds’ with complete male/female equality, might also be considered sex to which many ernest male and female chasidim in western civilization wish to excersize.

  3. like!
    well, if I leave (iy”h) I will sure have more sex. you can’t have less then I have now.
    well, this is my personal story, I know some of my frum friends, they have a good sex life too.

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