October Caption Contest

 Posted by on October 15, 2012
Oct 152012

A nude Hasidic woman watching a cellphone in the mikvah


October caption contest is here! I’m excited to have a very, very special guest judge for this contest! The esteemed Shulem Deen, the original Hasidic Rebel, founder and editor of Unpious (where my best writing is published) and my personal writing guru will put on his black judge’s chalat, review your submissions and put down the gavel on the winner. Said Justice Deen will write the post for the winning announcement at the end of the month, when his recess is over.

Since this doodle is a little extra daring, I’ll ask you to please exercise good taste in posting sexual captions. I’m all for having some fun with it, but try to keep it clever and with Yiddishe Taam.

Sadly, there will be no cash prize for this month’s caption contest, but despair not my dears, I’m trying to think of something else I may be able to offer as the contest prize. So far everything I’ve thought of

Frieda Vizel

Frieda Vizel left the Hasidic community, the Modern Orthodox community and the Formerly Orthodox (OTD) community. She now lives in Pomona and is actively looking for a new community to leave. She deals with the perplexities of the communities she left by drawing cartoons about them, a habit that gets her into an excellent amount of trouble.

  57 Responses to “October Caption Contest”

  1. טובל ושרץ בידו

    Is that god calling or the rabbi?

    Finally I’ve got an opportunity to do some Kosher Phone-Sex…

  2. Koosher!!

  3. Oh no! The mikvah lady better not see that!

  4. Hotspots!

  5. Peeping Tom’s phone fell from the ceiling

  6. Darling, don’t hang up; I’m dunking.

  7. The Beaming a Kosher Dip feature.

  8. “That’s the only condition Harav Shteiman attached to my iPhone waiver!”

  9. “Oops! But I hope the outgoing picture mail still goes through before the phone dies!”

  10. נעמט מיט קול מבשר וואו אימער איר גייט… פאר מער דריקט נומער זעקס.

  11. Virgin Mobile.

  12. Siri: “You asked, ‘How do I perform the holy dunk?'”

  13. Whuu!! Thats it. No more mikvah pics no matter how much shloime wants them.

  14. How does this Mikvah app work exactly?

  15. “Shaindy you can make the Brocho now….you are “virtually” under water….”

  16. Oh yes, I’ve heard about these new filters.

  17. Help! Help! I think Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak is drowning! Somebody throw him some rope!

  18. This on off period of not being able to touch my phone definitely draws us so much closer.

  19. Every time I take off my turban the stupid phone falls out! argh!

  20. What? the rebitzins shiur wasn’t over yet…

  21. No rabbi! I’m not sending pix to prove anything!

  22. Imamother verification gone wrong.

  23. Those women on his phone could use a mikvah too.

  24. iphone = nipples

  25. The Rabbi said I can only have a Kosher phone.

  26. “There goes my only vibrator!!!”

  27. i feel naked without my phone

  28. my phone and I are eligible for an upgrade

  29. So there — now nobody can tell me that MY internet is impure.

  30. “oy oy oy, the previous woman has a tzniyus problem: she’s gonna feel naked without her phone”

  31. Are those d’s or double d’s? Need panaromic view to get them all in.

  32. ‘He cares about his phone more than his wife; it’s only logical that the phone be the one to prepare for an intimate evening”

  33. “hmmm, “some nights” might be an appropriate ringtone after all.”

  34. Oops! I guess I’ll have to double dip.

  35. “Hon, is it my cell or yours? You sound like you’re underwater.”

  36. “הלילה הזה אנו מטבילין שתי פעמים”

  37. oops! I did it again…

  38. “So you wanna know how I feel about Taharas Hamishpacha? Confined in a cell, is how I feel.”

  39. If you can graduate from a drawing like this to photographs, you know your paypal button will be going Ding! Ding! Ding! The whole day that you’ll have so much $ in paypal that you will be disqualified from foodstamps!

  40. Is that your cell phone or are you just happy to see me?

  41. the horror of Mikva-going

  42. More dangerous than a shark

  43. OK, Caption cloud is coming not from the lady but from beneath the phone. “I meant a REAL lifesaver”

  44. “Toiveling the REAL me”

  45. The sexy babe in the drawing doesn’t look like she shaves her hair! I can’t tell if she shaves her pussy, though .

  46. For all the porn my husband has sex to with this phone, may it at the very least comply with taharas hamispacha!

  47. I’m not getting into this mikvah, it is a wave pool, and I can’t swim.

  48. “How’s this old woman, I have had it with “koosher”, I’m getting an iPhone..”

  49. I know how much you hate the Mikva, but now you have no choice. You have to toivel.

  50. What a therapeutic way to cure my fear of water.

  51. “Wait–did he say the blowtorch comes before mikva or after?”

  52. My husband said, either you go (to the mikvah) or the phone goes…

  53. Apple’s latest product: mikveh for your iPhones!

  54. someone had to introduce the mikvah to modern technology… now if only i can introduce my rabbi to it as well…

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