December Caption Contest

 Posted by on December 3, 2012
Dec 032012

Hi Everyone —

With the Weberman trial and the Rabbi in England who allegedly molested his female constituents there’s been a lot of conversation about men taking their pants off, so I thought the December cartoon caption contest should be something a little relevant (as promised!). I’ve been following the Weberman trial by asking insiders about it and reading outside reports, and the whole saga is fascinating, painful, an eye-opener. I hope to write some more about this soon. It’s the end of the semester, we’re right at the crunch, so I’m trying to make it through this last leg. Meanwhile, I need some lightening up with a good caption. Please leave a comment with your witty stuff. If you can be so witty on Facebook, c’mon, save some for a heimish doodle.

Winner of the December caption contest get’s an honorary announcement on this here blog and a special visit from Santa for being so naughtily nice.

A semi-naked Hasid going into a court room

Frieda Vizel

Frieda Vizel left the Hasidic community, the Modern Orthodox community and the Formerly Orthodox (OTD) community. She now lives in Pomona and is actively looking for a new community to leave. She deals with the perplexities of the communities she left by drawing cartoons about them, a habit that gets her into an excellent amount of trouble.

  46 Responses to “December Caption Contest”

  1. This is the women’s entrance, you can go right in…

  2. “It’s the hat that they usually ask you to remove. But who knows?”

  3. “This way the judge won’t risk asking you to raise your hands and swear.”

  4. “Let them see, I always did my courtship business after a dip in the mikvah.”

  5. Wait! I still have on my Rabbeini Tams!

  6. So can I do some counseling service to the judge?

  7. sir, dont get too excited, there are no children in this courtroom.

  8. “Sir! Try to keep your pants on during trial. Appreciated!”

  9. “So that the jury gets distracted by my six pack.”

  10. “I’m so ready for קרויס examination!”

  11. Seriously?? The jury will find you guilty in a heartbeat if you walk in like that!

  12. “Defense counsel announced that his client will take the stand. A one night stand!”

  13. This strategy your Rabbi came up with is mamesh gevaldig!! The jury will think you’re a nebich and have such rachmonus for you that they will just dismiss the case.. Takeh gevaldig!

  14. נאך א מזל כ׳האב ארויף געדרייט די פיאות, זאל כאטש נישט זיין קיין חילול השם.

  15. Going courting.

  16. Uh, this is awkward.. this is not one of those heimishe courts where they turn a blind eye to what you are doing/wearing… you better get dressed!

  17. ער שטייט נאך דארט פון נעכטען, זעהט אויס אז דער אנדערער איז נאך ווייט נישט פארטיג

  18. Excuse my appearance, I was on my way to counsel some young girl…

  19. Heard there are some “hot” discussions going on in here, so I dressed accordingly.

  20. “Of course it’s a good strategy. You’re irresistible, right? When they see your bod they’ll totally acquit.”

  21. Hey! The water fountain in front of the courthouse is not a mikvah!

  22. The truth isn’t what’s important in this room, what matters is that the jury think you’re ‘clean’

  23. Let’s not tell anyone what just happened…

  24. Yep, definitely the insanity plea.

  25. “See – if it doesn’t fit they must acquit”

  26. “So; appear confident, let me do my job, and remember -no matter what, you enjoy the entire community’s support. Just one thing. Under no circumstances should you masturbate in the room we are about to enter.”

  27. “Forkosh “u tink I’m stupet? By de maluchim vee say mater aseerim before malbish areemem”

  28. “I.. I, I’m saaaarry, at de lunch break I vent to my uffice, end a mechitzef tvelf yir old stole my cloding”

  29. When in Rome, do what the Romans do… Oh, wait, you’re Satmar, these rules don’t apply to you…

  30. “I’ll remind them of shirtless Joseph falsely accused by Mrs. Potiphar!”

  31. Really? You forget Shoes on a day like today? Oy Vey!

  32. “They’re being aired with the rest of the dirty laundry.”

  33. Sorry about that guilty verdict. Next time keep your pants on!

  34. To commenter #33
    I share a sense of vindication with the victim as strongly as anyone, but to rub a mans face in the ground when he’s about to begin the end of his life in a cell dos’nt feel right. I feel nauseaus. its just not classy to rejoice at this time. Abarbanel points out the reason for spilling ten drops of wine when we recite the makos at the seder. The reason is because we show that even though we were saved and the Egyptions suffered, our cup does not remain full- or overflowing with joy. Human beings suffer. It hurts.

  35. Half Staff? or Full Staff?

  36. I’m the quack therapist. Quack Quack

  37. Sure, you can wear whatever you want, this is a no judgement zone…

  38. ער’ס קוים ארויס מיט די גאטשעס

  39. Ashmedai– this is commentator #33. I have thought about what you said and realized that you are absolutely right, my comment was very insensitive. I take that comment back and am resubmitting the following:

    “Burech Hashem for the guilty verdict. Next time keep your pants on!”

    Is that better Asmedai? If not, i can also say:

    “Burech Hashem that the jury found you guilty. Now you wont be able to hurt girls anymore!”

    Let me know which one you prefer…


  40. Put your pants on, there are cameras In the court-room

  41. terrorist therapist looses trousers to truth

  42. oops email should read lagis

    terrorist therapist looses tousers to truth

  43. “I’ll show them my bris koidesh and they’ll all run away in fear.”

  44. a the-rapist does not need to wear any pants…

  45. If this is your idea of “santa” then you can keep him, I def dont want a visit from him.

  46. I just came across your blog and your cartoons. Since it appears this December contest was never decided, here are five more entries:

    1. “Don’t worry — you think the judge has never seen a rabbi who lost his suit?”
    2. “As I understand the Torah, you’ll have your purity back at sundown. But as I understand the DA’s office, getting your clothes back will take considerably longer.”
    3. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell the judge I’m filing a motion to suppress — you had a reasonable expectation of privacy in your clothes, even though you weren’t wearing them.”
    4. “Remember, you fell into a pool of water — do NOT say “mikvah.”
    5. “Shouldn’t that towel have tzitzit?”

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